Five years ago today, my life changed forever. I became a foster mom.
People ask me all the time how I started fostering and why I chose such a radically different path for my life. I love telling the story because it truly is evidence of God's hand in my life.
I was 23 and in my second year as a kindergarten teacher. With all of my friends getting married, moving around, and beginning new chapters in their lives, it prompted me to pray about what was next for me? Life was good, but there was part of me that felt unused... I had a time of deep searching for how God could use me for something big. As I prayed, God reminded me of all of my big dreams for my life. I actually have them written down in the front cover of my Bible and I've been adding to the list since I was in 8th grade! As I read over the list, the words FOSTER PARENT jumped back at me. You see, I had volunteered at a camp for foster kids every summer beginning in high school. My experiences at Royal Family Kids Camp changed my life. After that very first week at camp when I was 16, I knew that God was calling ME to this ministry someday. Someday. When I wrote it, I thought someday was when I was married, when I was older, when I was richer... but the Lord was prompting my heart that maybe someday was NOW! After all, I was single and living in a 2 bedroom apartment all by myself. I had a teacher's schedule with summer's off and afternoons completely free beginning at 3. I began wandering frequently into that 2nd bedroom in my apartment, praying that the Lord would use it! I started thinking of all the ways my life would be different if I had a child. (*Side note: I began this list at the urging of my very wise parents. At the time, my list was 156 items long - 156 things that would change about my single life if I became a foster parent - ranging from attending parent teacher conferences to buckling kids in carseats. Just for fun, I've kept the list and could add to it daily if I was so committed. The written list is more than 526 items long now!)
After months of praying and researching and asking for wisdom, I decided to become certified as a foster parent. Actually, the day I called to get information from my chosen agency was their first day of training! Eight weeks and zillions of training hours later, I was officially a foster parent and was eagerly awaiting my first placement. I'd asked for one child (thinking a man-to-man defense was better than a zone for my first game!) but had been told that because sibling groups are most common, I could be waiting awhile for just one child.
Three days later, the overhead speaker blared in my after-school staff meeting. "Miss Bates. You have a call. I think it's your agency." This was it. An 8 year old girl was on her way to my house as I spoke to the caseworker on the phone. We didn't know much about her except that she loved cats and cookie crunch cereal. My first daughter ever, A was beautiful and smart and broken. She was with me until the summer. I learned a lot parenting her and in so many ways, she prepared me for parenting Cooper. I think of her often (her photo will ALWAYS be on the mantle in my home) and am grateful for her life!
As I drove home to meet A for the first time, I remember distinctly saying aloud, "Today, my life will change forever. I will never go back to being the person I am today." Boy, was I right! Five years later and I can barely remember life before kids. Foster parenting has been the hardest and scariest and BEST thing I've ever done with my life. So scary, in fact, that I almost stopped fostering after A left my home. Did I do the right thing? Is this too radical for me to do with my life? Maybe I should try again when I'm marrried or older or something...
I'm so glad I didn't stop then. I would have missed my precious C. Three weeks after A left, I met little C. He was three years old and had been unexpectedly discovered in a police raid on a meth lab. Despite his difficult beginning, little C was charming and well behaved and simply darling. I'll never forget how his little raspy voice said my name, 'Mimi'. (After all, he had a mom that he visited every week - I was not her - I was Mimi) He had my heart from the first minute we met and I would have done anything for him. He taught me how to navigate and advocate through the child protective services web and I fought hard for this little man's safety and best interest.
I was devastated when he left before Thanksgiving. I had loved this little boy as my own son. I thought I surely should stop fostering because how could I endure such heartache? But then I thought about all of the children who were enduring heartache much deeper than mine. There were little ones who had experienced unspeakable hardships, who were longing for the safety and love I could provide. So I decided to try again.
And in the middle of one snowy January night, I got another unexpected phone call.
We have an abandoned baby.
We don't know how old.
We don't know his name.
Will you take him?
Yes. And my life will never be the same.
I'm a mom forever. He's mine forever and I'm his. Cooper's story is a beautiful chapter of my foster parenting history that I pray we tell over and over again. It's a story of God's goodness and faithfulness.
People ask me all the time, Will you ever foster again? Adopt again? Yes. And yes.
Absolutely yes.
